i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
