I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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