ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
