they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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