last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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