Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
