I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
