I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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