The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
