Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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