alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
