I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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