And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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