I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
