Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
