im about as happy as oj after his trial
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
