Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
