Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
