I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
