he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
