its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
