another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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