Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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