Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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