dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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