I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize