he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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