My room smells like vodka and shame
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
