we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
