my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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