I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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