you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
