I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
