Apparently you make a good broom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
