thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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