and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
