remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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