he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
