He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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