Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
