He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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