pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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