6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
