Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
