sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize