So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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