i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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