I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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