Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
