Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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