So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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