wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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