I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
