her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
