FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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