I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
