there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
