I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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