I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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