i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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