he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
